Well that is not necessarily true, HATE is a word that for me encapsulates FEAR, which means lack of knowledge, and gaining knowledge is one of my driving forces in life.
When I was somewhere around 7-10 years of age, I had something precious taken from me without my knowledge – my innocence.
Sexual Abuse is an ugly act, but I didn’t know at the time.
It started when our next door neighbour a Scotch man named Jock McLean,[married, without children] would put me to bed, then it graduated to him getting into my bed, while my parents were in the next room, totally unaware of what was going on. He would make me touch his penis, while he touched my vagina. He kept saying it was our secret.
He kept this going by inviting me into his home under the pretence of learning a musical instrument, [whilst his wife was out] it was here that he performed a kind of mutual masturbation bringing me to orgasm and making me watch him ejaculate. I was becoming aware, somewhere in my little soul that something was not right about what was going on, when on one of the afternoons, I think he was about to take this to a new level when his wife arrived home unexpectedly.
It was after this that I spoke to my older sister and told her what was happening, she went straight to mum and told her. My father, who was an angry man at the best of times went to deal with old Jock.
Other than to find out if any penetration had taken place, there was never a word spoken of this ever again, no counselling, no guidance, no one to ask any questions, it was just ‘get on and get over it’.
All this happened over 50 years ago, if I could delete this from my life I would, in a heart beat, but I also know it was a gift, to make me into the person I am today.
I live a blessed life and I really don’t hate all men, in fact I have some very beautiful sensitive men in my life.
I am an old woman now and my intention on sharing this, was to insure that maybe it will prevent this happening to some one else, and that others who have been thru this experience and I know there are many, can gain strength from my story.